someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
