Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
