His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
