i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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