her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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