there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
