that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
