Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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