took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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