Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
