You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
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If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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