I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
