After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
