Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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