I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
