Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
