I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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