i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
