I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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