forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
