Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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