saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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