When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
