Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
