i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
