fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
