i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize