as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
