He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
