he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
