he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I had to cum in my sink.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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