So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
