Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
should my penis look like a turkey
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
