If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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