Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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