none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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