Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
