shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
