Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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