2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
