Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize