Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
