I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
