who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
