We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
