At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
