This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Randomize
