do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?