My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
