I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm at about main and main street
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.