Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.