Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.