11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN