If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
