you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
