She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can I color on your dick again?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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