why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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