I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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