I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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