Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
