a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
