i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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