how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
