i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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