Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
