I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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