i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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