If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
