Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
