Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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