I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize