He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
