sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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