If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
